"And we conclude with an announcement from our sponsor"

This blog seems unsuccessful.

Although the idea of having this was something that really excited me, I didn't really a motivation to blog in it everytime I had a cool thought or a God moment or just a really cool event in my life. Heck I went on a mission trip a few weeks ago but I so much happened, but I never wrote about it. Friendships have come close to ending in my life. Another one of my friends texted me late last night to tell me that the 'Jesus thing' was finally hitting her for real and although she's been saved since she was a kid, she feels like she truly started believing last night. So many things, so many opportunites to write in here... yet I haven't. And that makes me wonder why I don't have that desire.

I guess it's mostly from the lack of readers. The number of people who will read this? I would guess none, but maybe a lucky few who have been browsing. The number of people who will leave encouraging comments? Or destructive comments? Or just hello comments? None, none, and none.
I shouldn't be doing this for other people... that's why I made a new blog as an anonymous one. Because on my last blog, tons of friends had subscribed to it and whenever I posted a new blog, it would be sent to them and I knew they would read it. Sure I had plenty of strangers who commented and such, but I just felt when I was writing it would always be biased. I would always consider who was reading the blog and try to make myself seem either more appealing or get more sympathy or seem more Godly or something. I always felt like I was trying to impress someone.
So it's good being anonymous... but being anonymous for no one hasn't to work. I was never good at keeping up with journals. And I just feel like although this blog was predominantly for my own purposes, my own evalutations, my own chance to look at my life and see how God's moving... It's just something where I need to know there are people reading it. I need to know that I'm not just writing this for an empty void, which I feel like I'm doing write now.

So I'm taking a break from blogging, as apparently I have been for a while, and will probably return to xanga. It's more browsing-friendly I guess? I like this format better, but xanga allows for more readers to cross each others paths. I tried browsing on blogger, but had very little luck. So thanks blogger, but this is it

Blocked

I just wrote a pretty long post...
But I didn't publish it

Nothing seems right. My mind seems so far away from where God wants it to be...

Walking through Genesis...

A quick background on Genesis 12- Abram goes into Egypt due to a famine. In Egypt, he pretends that Sarai, his wife, is actually his sister so they won't kill him for her beauty. She is taken into the Pharoah's palace and Abram is treated well. Until, that is, the Pharaoh is inflicted with serious diseases, discovers the truth, and orders Abram and Sarai to leave.

Genesis 13:3-4: From the Negev, he went from place to place until he came to Bethel, to the place between Bethel and Ai where his tent had been earlier and where he had first build an altar. There Abram called on the name of the Lord.

The first time I read that I was like "ok... cool. He built another altar for God. Abram, altars, ok got it." But this afternoon I went through to re-read a few passages.. and it just stuck out to me. He went back to where he had been before. He'd made a wrong turn and it ended in disaster, so he went back. He had to turn around and literally go back.
He went back to where he'd made the wrong turn. Then he called on the Lord.

And the journey begins...

Today I decided to read the whole bible. It's definitely a huge feat, and it's something I've thought about plenty of times before, but today I decided that I should give it a try. So here we go!

The plan I looked up is that if you read 3 chapters every day with 5 chapters on Sunday, with i think 3 days built in as exceptions, you can read through the whole Bible in a year. Well today I got a head start and read from the very beginning of the Bible through Gensis 9:17, when I felt that that was enough.

What caught my eye from today's read:

Genesis 3 is the fall of man. Verses 14-19 are all curses... cursing the serpant, woman, and then man. Verse 21, right after the curses, says this: The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.
Isn't that amazing? I've never noticed it before. Adam and Eve, because they sinned, are ashamed because of their nakedness and use fig leaves to cover themselves. Can you imagine how disappointed God must be? How hurt He must be? He's been walking with Adam and Eve and developing a very intimate relationship with them, and then they betray Him. Yet He clothes them. He still loves them the same despite their betrayel, despite their sin. He sees their shame and clothes them. He provides.




Please pray for me through this journey. I'm definitely one to start something, but then get lazy or impatient and not finish it. Pray that God will place in me the desire to read His word.
Thanks :)

"A time to tear down and a time to build"

Something needs to change. I can feel it.
I remember wayy back in middle school... I hated change. I thought things should always stay how they were. Change was one of the worst possible things that could happen. But now I'm embracing it. It's time to change.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

It's time for a season of change.

Struggles...

I've been shown recently how impatient I am. And where I lack patience, I am filled with pride and stubbornness.
That's what I'm struggling with. Changing that part of me.

On another note, I recently started reading A Love Worth Giving by Max Lucado. I'm excited for it :]

Here we go again...

"I am a princess of the Most High God! My prince will come, but until God brings him into my life... my God, my King, is more than enough!"


I'm really struggling right now..